What is Social Fitness?
“Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you; spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.” — Amy Poehler”
We usually associate the word ‘physical’ with the word ‘fitness’, but in reality, the term fitness alone just means “the ability to survive,” or the “quality of being suitable to complete a task.”
I have only just begun to research this topic of social fitness, but I am fascinated by it and eager to learn more. So what the heck is social fitness anyway?
Social Fitness is the ability to keep your relationships in good shape. When we think of the ways we keep our body in shape, usually proper nutrition and daily exercise come to mind. But often when it comes to the health of our relationships, it’s not really as obvious how we should go about ensuring their health.
Often some of our important relationships (which include friends, family, romantic partners, extended relatives, neighbors, co-workers, etc) are taken for granted and often neglected not because we don’t care, but simply because we are busy.
“If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together”.
African proverb
Why does social fitness Matter?
I recently read (and am now re-reading) a fascinating book called The Good Life by Robert Waldinger which is an account of an 84 year old research project called the Harvard study of adult development which has been following hundreds of participants over 84 years studying their lives in depth. The study set out to research what makes people healthy versus what makes people sick. If you want to read more about the study itself, this article is good.
The question that the study and the book The Good Life set out to answer is ‘what actually makes for a good life?’ Contrary to what you might think, wealth, success and fame are not the ingredients for a good and happy life, according to the research. The author draws upon his research findings to emphasize the importance of relationships and connections. His study found that good relationships – both romantic and platonic – are the strongest predictor of whether or not someone is happy.
Relationships are the foundations of our lives intrinsic to everything we do and everything we are. Without our connections to others, why would anything else matter? What would achievement or income mean if it doesn’t impact others?
Relationships are not just a functional route to health and happiness - they are an end in themselves. Knowing someone and being known are crucial to our human existence. This is why it is so important to cultivate and nurture our relationships. Neglected relationships will atrophy without proper attention. We have to make time for our friends, family, and loved ones in order for those relationships to survive and thrive.
What can you do to improve your social fitness?
It is not as easy as it is with physical health to assess the health of our social fitness. We can’t step on a scale or take a blood pressure reading. We have to step back and take an objective look at how we are spending our time and how we are spending our time. Are we nurturing our relationships that matter?
In the book, The Good Life, they asked participants at the end of their life “ what would you do differently if you could go back in time?” And almost all of them said some version of this statement, “If I could do it all over again, I would spend more time with loved ones.”
Think about how you spend your time and what you pay attention to day to day.
Ask these two questions:
1. Who is important to you?
2. Are they getting the attention they deserve?
I suggest scheduling time into your busy and hectic schedule to be able to connect and spend time with your friends and loved ones. This experience becomes a respite in the chaos, and a break from the mundane.
Meaningful connections and strong relationships are essential for a good and happy life. The key to a fulfilling life is to focus on cultivating meaningful relationships, as these are what will ultimately lead to greater happiness and contentment in life.